After posting my lengthy rant about free screensavers yesterday, I thought it might be useful to go through the experience of installing one of these creatures and writing about it. I hope you get a vicarious thrill out of it!

I picked one of the most popular free aquarium screensavers created by freeze.com. It’s called Living Marine Aquarium 2. I’m sure you’ve seen it on many sites, especially if you have searched for “free aquarium screensavers.” What follows is a blow by blow account of my experience.

First I went to the download page using this link. This took me to a page with a giant “download now” button, which leads to a direct download of an installation file. So far, so good.

Now that the file was on my hard drive, I double clicked the file to begin the installation. Immediatly the program wanted to connect to the internet and activated my firewall. I clicked “allow” a few times which finally brought up the actual installation program. Who knows what information has already been transmitted from my computer at this point!

The installation begins with a Accept/Decline screen which read as follows:

After clicking “I Agree” you will be offered additional useful, quality software provided by our partners. Your support of these software offers allows us to provide you with FREE access to our software. All offers we present are 100% optional.

I imagine many people are in too much of a hurry and don’t read that…

This first screen also has links to the Freeze privacy policy, and their Software License Agreement, both of which you are agreeing to by clicking the big “I Agree” button! Who has time to read legalese when you are on the verge of having a fun screensaver on your computer?

I won’t bore you with too many details, but you should at least know that if you install a freeze.com screensaver on your computer you will be in a

. . . legally binding contract between you and W3i, LLC. By downloading, installing, copying, running, or using our screensavers, clipart, wallpaper, games or other software . . .

and that you are legally obligated to

. . . provide valid and accurate information about your identity including a valid email address.

OK, onwards, I clicked “I Agree” without my lawyer present. Next was a “Freeze.com Quick Registration” screen which requires that you input your date of birth, your gender and a zip code. The installation will not continue without this info. I’m guessing that they are making sure you are over13 years of age. And that you are 18 years of age or older. You did read the License agreement didn’t you? Freeze is not allowed to collect personal information from kids under 13, and teens between 14 and 18 need a guardian’s approval.

Now I was faced with screen after screen (6 total) of “partner offers,” including the installation of the Yahoo! Browser Toolbar, the Weather Channel Desktop and some registry cleaning software. Each screen, of course, had the check box marked, and I diligently unchecked each and every one. The last screen offered to make Freeze.com my browser home page and use Yahoo! as my default search engine. No thanks, I’ll stick with Google.

OK, now I’m through the gauntlet, right? Well, not quite. Now the installation needs to install the Adobe Flash player in order to work. I know for a fact that I’ve installed the flash player on my computer, but the installation insists. Turns out it also needs to install an ActiveX control in order to run! I’m not really sure if it was the Adobe installation that required the ActiveX, or if Freeze was installing something. Either way, I’m alway a little weary of Active X controls, especially when I am not 100% sure they are from a legitimate source.

Finally, after spending a good 20 minutes on this project I can finally enjoy my “free” screensaver! Oh, but wait. Just as I thought I was home free, a IE page popped up to inform me that I had just “One Last Step.” This page was an advertisement for a Freeze.com Memebership which would give me access to the “full version” of Living Marine Aquarium 2 and other Freeze screensavers! A whopping $29.98 value! All I had to do was complete an offer from one of the companies listed on the page. In other words: Spend money at one of our “partner” sites, and we’ll give you a “free” membership! No thanks.

Really, now I’m going to check out my new screensaver. I open up my Display Properties > Screensaver panel and open the Living Marine Aquarium 2 options. It looks very basic, and it shows me that I have 4 fish in my aquarium, which are locked, and 1 background. Now, I try to exit the options panel and the “exit” button does nothing! The options panel just stares back at me and leaves me only one choice: Click the “Join Today” button. Jeesh, I haven’t even seen the damn thing yet! Oddly, clicking the Join button took me to TrioDesign Studio, presumably the studio which created the aquarium screensaver.

OK, time for the preview. I click on “preview,” and I am treated to a big logo screen reminding me that I only have the “free” version. Then I finally feast my eyes on 4 fish swimming in a very colorful tank. The background is very pleasing to the eyes, at least from a distance, and reminds me of a cartoon. The background is very blurry when viewed closer than 2 or 3 feet. The fish animation is surprisingly good and looks fairly realistic most of the time. After watching for a few minutes, the screen fades into a full-screen advertisement for Freeze.com, offering me access to the full version of the screensaver along with 50 other screensavers! All that for just $29.98 per year! Just click the spacebar.

Wow.

Here comes the million dollar question. I challenge you to think about this one! Pretend you are taking a standardized test!

Anthony is looking for an aquarium screensaver for his computer. He has no money. He is a reasonably intelligent human being, and quite handsome! Should he:

1. Download a so called free screensaver, spend 20 minutes installing it, and be reminded with a full screen advertisement that he can get the full version for just $29.98/year. Screensaver quality: fair.
2. Download an aquarium screensaver demo, spend 5 minutes installing it, and never be harassed with ads reminding him that he can purchase the full version for a one-time fee of $19.95. Screensaver quality: excellent.
3. Watch Animal Planet’s Shark Week for half an hour.

The choice is yours young grasshopper.